The One With All The Apples
by Jetredgirl
Summary: Challenge accepted from HachimansKitsune. Pregnancy causes cravings. It's Jareth's job to satisfy his queen. Fluff/humor/goblin mayhem ensues. T for language and the usual references. Nope, still don't own any of it.


At 8 months pregnant, Sarah was the very definition of uncomfortable.

She flopped over to her other side on the bed and sighed noisily.

"Fuck. I have to pee again."

Slowly she got up and padded to the bathroom for the 10th time. When she returned she sat down hard enough to bounce her sleeping husband awake.

Jareth sat up rubbing one eye, yawning. "Are you alright? Do you need something?"

His wife gave him a dirty look. "Yes. Your offspring to stop using my bladder as a trampoline. Can you explain to me again why we were excited about a baby 6 months ago?"

He chuckled, and stopped when he say her frown deepen. "Well it was fun getting there."

Sarah lay back on the pillows. "Sure it's all fun, games, and mind blowing orgasms until someone gets pregnant." She pouted. "I'm hungry."

Jareth automatically stood and put on his robe, now used to fetching snacks for his wife's cravings. "What do you want?"

She thought a moment, tapping her lips with a finger. "I want apples. With caramel sauce. Oh! And peanut butter. And a banana! Let me write that down." She snapped her fingers and a quill pen with a piece of parchment appeared, and then began scribbling a list.

Jareth watched as the list grew to include chocolate, barbecue potato chips, and something called Twinkies." Dearest...not that I would ever complain of catering to your every whim while your carrying my child...but this means a trip to the above. In the middle of the night."

"And your point is?" Sarah replied smugly. "You did *this*," Sarah rubbed her hands over her swollen belly. "So you get to fulfill my every desire." She gave him a sweet smile and fluttered her lashes at him.

"I believe fulfilling your every desire is why we are where we are at the moment." Jareth reminded her. He reached over and covered her hands that lay on her middle. He picked them up and kissed each palm then bent and kissed her abdomen.

With a brush of magic, he was dressed in mundane(for him) clothing, black leather jeans, boots, and and a pearly white silk shirt, with a long black dragon hide duster. His hair was smoothed down and pulled back, the top half in a ponytail while the bottom hung loose about his shoulders, and he was wearing black gloves and dark sunglasses. His earrings looping through his ears now visible.

Sarah went a little weak at the sight. There was no denying her husband was the most gorgeous male to ever live, and he knew he was hot, too. "Damn Jareth, you're going to give some poor little cashier an instant orgasm walking around like that. Male or female."

He turned. "Am I? Should I change?" He slid his sunglasses down and winked at Sarah. He watched as her eyes roamed and took him in, and she licked her lips.

Uhh...no." She answered slowly. "Just umm...try to come home in one piece."

He snapped his fingers and 3 goblins appeared. "You three, you will accompany me. Your queen needs us to run an errand."

They groaned. They had been through this a great deal in the past few months.

Sarah knew what they liked. "My love, make sure you buy these three helpers a big bag of marshmallows. And one for me too? And graham crackers. Oh s'mores!" She added more to the list.

The goblins cheered and Jareth rolled his eyes. "Fine. Let's go above, you ingrates."

He took the list, a crystal appeared in his hand, and as Sarah and the goblins watched he threw it into the air. When it popped, The Goblin King and the 3 little monsters were gone.

Jareth found an all night market and strolled in, goblins in tow. No one could see them but him, so that wasn't an issue. "Behave you three. I'll find everything on this list, make the purchase, then when I get out of the building to a secluded place, I will hand the bags to you three to transport home. Got it?" He said just loud enough for them to hear. So he thought.

"What? Who are you talking to?" A voice came from behind him.

He turned around, startled to see a young bespectacled man there in an apron.

"Oh..just going over my list. You see my wife is with child and I..." He started to say.

The worker laughed, holding up his hand. "Oh okay. We see a lot of that this time of night. No prob. I just got married myself but we don't have plans for kids yet. Do you need help?"

"Thank you." Jareth answered. " I believe I can find most of these, but I was curious where this item called Twinkies is? And what is it by the by?"

The younger human gave him an odd look, but noting the accent it wasn't implausible this guy didn't know what a Twinkie was so he let it go. He grabbed a large metal cart and gestured for Jareth to follow him. "It's sort of a sponge cake with creamy filling. How many boxes?"

He stopped at a large display of boxes and as Jareth watched, he took a couple down and handed them over. Jareth examined the box suspiciously. "These look horrid. I suppose I should get several. Sarah may want more and the gob...others living with us may get into them."

There was a loud crash just then, and the worker rolled his eyes.

: **CLEAN UP ON ISLE THREE** :

Came a loud announcement that echoed through the building, making Jareth cringe at the volume.

"I've got to go take care of that. If you do need help, come find me. We don't have a big staff at night." The human dashed off, leaving Jareth to ponder the wall of boxes.

The goblins came sneaking up to their king after the man left. "We sorry kingy, Blobby ran into stack of cans and they fell over."

Jareth glared at them. He knew of course goblins were about as graceful as ice skating ogres, but he was trying to be inconspicuous. "Just be careful! Stay behind me! Wait, where *is* Blobby?"

The other goblin shrugged. "Got scared and ran away."

"Oh flaming Hogwart balls." Jareth pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. "Go look for him, be quiet, and don't do any further damage."

"Hoggle, kingy. Dwarf is Hoggle." A goblin said matter of factly.

"I do NOT fucking care if his name is Idiot McShitface!" Jareth growled. "Just do it. Now!" He was itching kick them across to store, but being goblins they would most likely enjoy it.

The two fled to avoid their king's ire.

Jareth grabbed the cart and hauled it along with him, seeking and finding the various things on the list. He got several of everything. His cart was filling up quickly, so he wrapped it up and went to turn down the isle with all the produce to grab apples and bananas last.

He heard, before he saw, the pandemonium. He almost dropped everything and transported them all home, but knew if he returned without the foodstuffs Sarah would NOT be happy. It has been his goal to keep her happy during her pregnancy, and so far he had been pretty damn good at it. He was not going to break his streak now.

He casually turned the corner and stopped. There they were, his three goblins, pelting each other with apples. The poor young man that had helped him was cowered down, complete terrified, because while he could see that the apples were flying through the air, he had no idea goblins were throwing them, as he couldn't see the creatures.

:BAMF Goblin King: "IF YOU IMBECILES DO NOT STOP THROWING APPLES YOU WILL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR DISGUSTING LIVES HANGING BY YOUR TOES ABOVE THE BOG!" Jareth bellowed.

Immediately all the apples dropped to the ground and it was silent. The man in the apron slowly stood, and the 2 cashiers on duty who had been peeking around the other corner came out, agape and aghast.

Jareth took a deep breath and strolled down the isle to the 3 befuddled and horrified humans. "I sincerely apologize for this...incident. While I cannot explain completely, I assure you it will not happen again. I will gladly pay for any damages."

"What the fuck are you, man?" The man who had helped him stuttered. "How did you do that? Are you some kind of magician? Or warlock?!"

Jareth snorted out a laugh. "Dear boy, absolutely not. Warlocks have nowhere near my power. They are at best parlor acts. As I stated, it would be very difficult to explain. Rest assured I really just wanted to make this purchase and get back to my very pregnant wife, and I wanted to do so quietly. Unfortunately sometimes my presence causes chaos."

He walked over to the remaining stack of apples. "Now, I need a large bag of these, and some of those." He pointed to the bananas nearby. "Once paid for I will leave and you will all be none the worse for wear."

The man and one of the cashiers hurried to get the fruit, and the other cashier nervously led Jareth to a check stand. He smiled kindly at her and lowered his sunglasses, giving her a wink as he had Sarah.

She blushed bright red and moved faster. He could easily sense her attraction to him, which wasn't unexpected. He would never think of taking a lover, he was devoted to his soulmate Sarah, but he was using his flirtatiousness that was natural to his kind to hopefully ease this young woman's mind and remove the thought he was a threat. He easily *could* be, but not to 3 innocent humans at 2am in an aboveground market.

He helped her bag the items, and every time his gloved hand brushed hers she blushed again. Once that was done she finally spoke. "That will be $237 dollars and 63 cents." She squeaked out. "You must really love your wife." She added, smiling back at him.

"With every fiber of my being." He answered as he paid her. "You do have a lovely smile, now that you have blessed me with it." He handed her a $100 bill. "For being so helpful."

She stared at the money he laid in her hand." Oh wow, thank you sir!"

He put everything into the cart and mentally called his scattered goblins, who were off doing Gods knows what. He just hoped they hadn't eaten too much sugar. It tended to make them far more hyper than usual and they drove him even crazier.

"You're welcome." He pulled the cart out the door with him, and found a quiet spot in the corner of the parking lot.

The goblins appeared.

"You fools!" He yelled at them. "Just take these bags to the Queen, stay out of everything, and you will get your marshmallows in the morning IF you do as I say without incident. Go!"

Each took as many bags as they could and disappeared. It left Jareth with the last 3 bags to take with him.

Before he went home he called his magic and sent it towards the store and in an instant all messes were clean, memories of him and the goblins and their shenanigans removed, and crisp 100 dollar bills in each of the other 2 human's pockets. They would never know where the money came from, but he was happy they could be able to treat themselves.

Once that was done, a now exhausted Goblin King returned to his castle.

Sarah was waiting for him as he dropped the last bag at her feet with all the others.

"I didn't expect you to buy out the store." She said. She had the goblins move the bags to the large table and began removing things. She instantly opened a box of Twinkies and unwrapped one, taking a bite, her eyes rolling in pleasure. "Oh God it's been too long since I had aboveground junk food."

Jareth collapsed into a chair. "I went and brought you pizza 2 days ago."

"That's not junk food." Sarah declared. "*This* is junk food. Here try one."

She unwrapped one of the small cakes and handed it to him. "I'm not sure this is edible." He said, nibbling at it. He grimaced. "I was right."

He told her of his misadventure, and she laughed at the goblins antics. Unlike him, she thought they were "adorable."

"You are far to lenient on them, my love." He said. He changed into a pair of black silk sleeping pants and laid on the bed. "You even gave them marshmallows when I told them they would have to wait. There will be chaos tomorrow."

Sarah grabbed an apple and sat on the bed. "True, but there always is." She took a bite, and held it to him so he could take a bite, then cuddled up to his warm body. They shared the apple, Sarah kissing him in between bites.

"You are the most wonderful, giving, delectable husband ever" Sarah told him. "You spoil me and I shouldn't complain. Thank you. I know I can be exhausting."

He rolled over to the side. "Yes you are, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, I'm going back to sleep, don't gorge yourself on those vile Twinkle cakes."

"Twinkies. I won't. I'll eat them sparingly I promise." Sarah told him and kissed him on the cheek as he closed his eyes. "I need another apple." She used a tendril of magic to make the apple core in her hand disappear to the garbage heap, and fetch another of the red fruit to her, biting into it, enjoying the crisp sweetness.

Jareth grumbled something about the cakes not being fit for goblin consumption and promptly fell asleep.

Sarah giggled and snuggled against him, smiling, an apple in one hand and the other wrapped around her Goblin King.  
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 **HachimansKitsune put forth a challenge based upon a picture of David holding an apple, and this is my contribution. Apples do represent fertility, after all.** :)


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